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No words can say this:
Hi. Today I am thinking about how someone told me I would know my spouse when they feel like they are my family. I wholeheartedly believe this, and think that's what You gave Greg & Emily.
You know who I think of like that. But it's not for me to say really in the end, it's You. I wonder if You have me placed in her heart as a recognition of a gift? Could this be true? I think You wouldn't tell me that, You'd just tell her that. So, I'm here, listening for You for what to do with me each day as I wait on You.
Tonight at the Summer of Psalms meeting we talked about dwelling in Your house, and I was realizing the intimacy of that. Of being with You, in Your house. How intimate living rooms can be for spending time with family, and maybe a way for me to think of being with You is like that. You are my spouse, and I will sit with You in Your living room, in the place You cause me to lie down and rest, and in safety with You. That You enjoy my company is crazy. Because I know I am so flawed, and yet... You long for the ones Your hands made. You enjoy being with us.
Can You watch over me tonight? Can You place Your hand on my back as I sleep? Guide my steps? Were You answering my prayer today that I thought a selfish request? Because it seems like You were and that's confusing. Do You ever get lonely God? Being the only One like You? Or do You even know NEED? I think Your love must be absent of need, and yet persistent. That You push forward, not because You need us, but because You love us and long for us like children scattered that You long to gather in Your arms and hold our hands and be connected to us. How can that be?
As I walk Lord, through the valley, hold my trembling hand. Also, help her be close to You and know You as You help me be close to You.
Today at the farm, we walked around and picked wild black raspberries that we kept discovering more and more of. I felt like maybe You were telling me something in that. That there is no end to the wild wreckless supply of good gifts You want to give us, not ones we have to push to get, but ones You have all ready for us to receive. The sweetness and wildness and peacefulness of Your gifts.
And again, when it all comes down to it, are the gifts You? No. They are reminders of Your love, how You want us to grow, accept love, and take care of what You give us. Accepting the fullness of them.
Still though, these gifts are not You, are not sitting with You, lasting like You, loving like You, and intimate like You. You always win those competitions by being the most everything.
Help me not forget. My gifts can be separated from me; in the journey of life, the finality of death, by theft, by not taking care of them, by people in power over me. But You God, don't fit any of these categories. You remain, in spite of all this, in spite of me. Help me to remain in You.
Today as I sat talking with You, You told me not to worry. You talked to me about not to try to take Your job. You asked me, "Can you save the people you love?" "Can you make them as beautiful as I can?"
And I know the answer. I can't. I can't make growth, I can't make beauty like You. None of these fruits can I pull out with my strength faster. Growth is a movement, finely tuned that only Your hands can do, that sometimes You let me be alongside for the steps.
I can only try to be faithful with what You give me right now, and spend time with You. Thank You for wanting to spend time with me still. I don't know why, but You still... still somehow, want to give me good things and be with me. Oh blah... Come save us. Bring Your sweetness to my Dello.
Annette darling! A cute tiny watermelon came up! I'm so proud of you for planting those seeds with me months ago and now here they come. I hope they taste good for you. <3 Yay baby girl!!
I was knocked off my feet.
I'm so grateful for this gift that God gave me to be able to learn from others and Himself in this quiet garden in Aliquippa.
Here's a look at possibly what Annette will look like if I can make this monkey video for her. :) I love our little girl.